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Coping with parents who fight daily and small matters becoming big matters

Started by Ko, Mar 27, 2022, 01:44 AM

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I grew up in the nuclear family, my parents and I, after we moved away from my birth country when I was at the age of ~12yo.

We have lived in few countries and states since. I am either at home or away for my university or graduate studies 1-2 years at a time or 4 years at a time, depending on the studies in my pursuit of my life long dream. During all these years, struggling financially or emotionally from individual's work related matters make us feel and become distant, more so each year, sadly. We have all left our beloved family members and some passed away, RIP, or we could not visit back due to political reasons at the birth country.

Every moment of happiness is usually and quickly overshadowed by one or both of my parents thinking about their past sand the sacrifices or struggles they have overcome from the discriminations at work or arguments/bullying by the coworkers and transferring the angers at home, from arguing about a minor uncleaned spot on a "wash dish" onto bigger matter, all within few seconds to hours.

I could not blame my parents from constantly arguing daily and/or extending the argument over days to weeks, now progressing more than ever. Things they have gone through, understandable. I also understand how one of my parents feel unsatisfactory about the other because of the still struggling situations to making a living or living in their crushed dreams working in the job one does not wish, even though it is a respectable high/professional-degree or skilled jobs.

Their constant arguments of small things (leading into bigger things and the argument at the present time leading to bringing up all the things from the past), have made me extremely sad that I could not help alleviate their concerns and problems and that I could not see the 2 becoming together again.

The situations have affected my focus in the studies whenever I am back home with my parents. When I am away, I am at my absolute best and with the highest self-confidence and exceling (I'm not just saying  :lmao: , I received great feedbacks on my character, work ethics, and professionalism from my colleagues, coworkers, or superiors!  :dance:  ) I tried to tell them that, and I was seen as the person who was placing blame on them.

I am not ranting about my parents, I understand the foundation of their arguments. Just that, the explosive anger of one of my parents and the inability to reconcile by the other, and the unfixable matters like certain jobs for them with the pay they want and a settled lifestyle as immigrants they envisioned, is just sad and hard to cope with.

How to I cope with my parents contently fighting then?
  • Minding my own business as much as I can, whenever I am home, I can feel the hurt inside me, but what can I do?
  • Trying to talk to them, and always trying to dodge the anger or the steam redirected towards/including me, and accepting that I failed to alleviate, but I tried.
  • Focusing on my faith and belief (for me, in God and His comforts and words, and the beauty of the Gospels)
  • Focusing on my hobbies as much as I can.
  • If I am away or at home with my parents but working, FOCUSing my mind in work (making that good stress and energies into good use!   :rock:
  • Helping others or hearing others out with with their concerns or problems, because I know it is important to have someone as support (I had none, with birth extended family at a distant/abroad, close friends all abroad or far in different time zones, or others not having time or get the hint to hear me out)

How do you cope with arguments in your household, within your family members?

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